thinking about the eternal nature of gender roles

i have never been one who felt that ordination to the priesthood for men somehow relegates women to an inferior position.

recent movements have pushed this issue, and as i have read different perspectives and voices attempting to show why our current state need not be viewed as oppressive, i have been dissatisfied with the reasoning, although i obviously agree with the conclusion.

{this article is one of the closest i have found}

so i have set out to put my finger on what it is that makes it all make sense for me.

as an adoptive mother, i have come to see parenting through a different lens perhaps than most other parents. i have pondered considerably regarding the rights of parents, the reason{s} for being a parent, and what it means to even be a parent.

while at a workshop for adoptive parents i heard a birth parent volunteer comment that when a girl refuses to place her baby for adoption, thinking she can be both parents to her child, she is essentially telling her father that he was unnecessary.

mountains of research show that children need both parents. a single mother can be an amazing {albeit exhausted} mother. but she cannot be a father to her children. a single father, likewise, can be a wonderful father to his children. he simply cannot, however, be a mother to them.

mothers and fathers.

men and women.

equal? yes.

identical? no.

if we look at the priesthood as an apprenticeship for men to grow to become like their father in heaven then we can begin to see a reason why ordination to the priesthood would be for men. to act as the lord would act. some portion of whatever is the essence of man-ness seems to be in play here.

we know that women can exercise the priesthood. women can hold authority and perform certain ordinances. but somehow the line distinguishing maleness and femaleness, our gender identity which we also know is an essential part of our eternal identity and divine nature, also applies to the ordination to offices in the priesthood.

some argue that the counterpart to priesthood is motherhood. others disagree, on the basis that not all women can bear children in this life. again, as a woman who has never been pregnant after nearly twenty years of marriage, i hold to the notion that motherhood implies much more than giving birth and i think any of those additional dimensions of motherhood hold true in such assumptions regarding the divine nature and role of women.

in either case, i think about how elder jeffrey r. holland explained that the creative power is one of the most quintessential attributes of godhood, and when a man and a woman create life, they are partaking in a sacrament in which they come near to godhood and share that creative power with the lord. 

the family unit we know will extend into eternity. just as cultural misinterpretations of gender roles have led to instances of unrighteous dominion on the part of men, i find it just as misinformed to suppose that a woman’s role within her family is less important than what she might accomplish or be involved with outside of her family.

{another recent article offers a much more in depth explanation of these seeds of thought}.

in truth, even as i began with a firm belief that my role as a woman and mother is in all ways equal in importance and value to any role filled by a man, through recent study i have found the inherent power in my divine nature to be even more amazing than i previously supposed.

History written everywhere

i came across this passage the other day while reading to my kids. i admit, this has not been my attitude over the years. i can't help thinking that it would make my life more enjoyable if i were to adopt this mode of thinking, to view such incidents not as scars in my home but as monuments of imaginative thinking and memories of an enriching childhood.

The Office was their pride and joy, and what it lacked in tidiness it more than made up for in color and comfort and broken-down luxuries such as the couch and the piano. Also it was full of landmarks. Any Melendy child could have told you that the long scars on the linoleum had been made by Rush trying out a new pair of skates on Christmas afternoon, 1939; or that the spider-shaped hole in the east window had been accomplished by Oliver throwing the Milk of Magnesia bottle; or that the spark holes in the hearth rug had occurred when Mona tossed a bunch of Chinese firecrackers into the fire just for fun. Melendy history was written everywhere. {The Saturdays pg. 6}

lasting change happens slowly

over the past month or so, i have been poring over a book that i discovered when a friend mentioned how helpful it has been for her family. i definitely admire her and was instantly curious, so i searched for it at the library. after reading it a bit and trying out a few suggestions, i decided i needed to purchase a copy and really go after it. 

while i have to admit that i do find myself wishing i could have been her editor, i have found the substance of what she has to say extremely practical and helpful.

here is a quick caption of some of the author's words that i found inspiring.

Often we start out with great enthusiasm when an idea is presented to us for the first time. … We happily work towards the new idea or vision.

Soon, the enthusiasm wears off. We start falling back into our old, easier habits. The vision we had before seems cloudy and unrealistic. Reality is what takes our vision away from us.

When one of our foster daughters came to live with us, she did something that others hadn’t done. She spent hours the first few weeks intently watching me. She watched the way I kept house, the way I parented my children, the time I spent reading scriptures and good books, and the way I just lived my life. Finally, one day she said,

“Are you for real?”

“Of course I’m real,” I said.

“But, this is like the Leave it to Beaver show,” she replied.

“I know, isn’t it great?” was my response.

Where did she get the idea that shooting for “real life” was my goal anyway?

My foster daughter’s family told her that people like my family didn’t know what “real life” is. They told her that real life was depression, drugs, drama, and a dysfunctional family life. She really didn’t trust me for a while because our life seemed happy and we loved her. She was convinced our love and happiness was all a manipulation. I suggest that “real life” is supposed to look like a happy family who loves each other, but our society has chosen to believe that drama, drugs, depression, and family feuds should be considered real in order to lower the family bar. It seems to be a common practice to see what is wrong in life and accept it with open arms instead of trying to repair the dysfunction. This paradigm for mediocrity robs excellence and destroys vision. Life won’t be perfect every day, but we should never throw away our ideals and our goals because of difficulties. Goals fuel our souls and lead us to greatness.

Too many people think that our life is about being realistic. It’s not. We are all God’s children and should try to be like him so that we can live with God after this life. Is that a realistic goal for life? No, it is an idealistic goal.

…We need to focus on our vision even when it seems impossible—or unrealistic. Isn’t that what you would tell your son when he dreams of being an airplane pilot and he struggles with math? You would encourage him to never give up. To stay focused on his dream.  In essence, you would tell him to shoot for the ideal, because you know that he will never achieve his goal unless he does. …

All people really want the ideal, they just console themselves with thoughts about reality when they are too lazy to try for the ideal or when life gets difficult. Idealism isn’t supposed to stress people out, it is supposed to inspire new commitment each day. If we are focused on the ideal, then each day we can start our ideal picture over again because many days life won’t look ideal.

We need to attack our visions for a family of greatness with the same energy we would encourage our child to have with his vision of being a pilot. It’s hard to live idealistically. I always tell the little children at church that it is so much easier to choose what everyone else is doing, which is the path of mediocrity. It is so hard to choose what is different and right. The only way I know to stay focused and actually achieve goals, is to keep reminding myself what I want my perfect family picture to look like.

here is her website.

the only explanation

i

have concluded

that there exists

somewhere perhaps

in an unseen realm

a black hole

whose gravitational force

applies only to

socks